Losing someone in real life vs Greys Anatomy…
Recently I lost someone extremely close to me and it was after a harrowing 7 days spent in a hospital. What happened was traumatic enough but going through it in a hospital scenario made it way worse. Now 3 months later I came across a couple of episodes of Greys Anatomy running on TV and it made me scoff at the romanticized way in which the whole hospital scenario is played out. Maybe I am half dealing with grief or maybe I am just venting but these are some of the obvious things I went through maybe if more people are prepared for the reality they would be able to handle it better than I did.
“If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels; and if you haven’t, you cannot possibly imagine it.”
1.The casualty ward.
In the Greys Anatomy world there are a team of dedicated doctors waiting in the entrance to receive the ambulance and rush the patient to administer medical attention ASAP. Mcdreamy or Bailey firmly but empathically tell the panicky family that everything is under control.
In the real world, you sweatily stumble into the casualty ward after you sufficiently convince the security guard (who reminded me much of a troll guarding a bridge) you rush into the ward where a bunch of doctors are running around like headless chickens squawking around a bed where your mom is lying unconscious with her eyes open not breathing. No one stops to explain anything to you, there is NO sense of urgency whatsoever.
2. The CT scan.
In the Greys Anatomy world Mcdreamy runs in with his perfect hair and soft brown eyes and barks orders for a CT scan to be done pronto, concerned nurses and staff rush the patient to the CT scan asap. The scan itself is a fast, efficiently done process.
In the real world, YOU are running beside your mom who is on a stretcher moving at a snails pace along a bumpy corridor, when you finally do get to the CT scan, there isn't enough staff to transfer her onto the machine so YOU have to run around begging random staff to help you to hurry up and help get her in the scanner. There, again due you understaffing, a lead vest is shoved on you and a nurse cooly hands you, your moms breathing bag not bothering to explain how the apparatus works and is quite oblivious to the fact that you are a blubbering hysterical crying maniac not able to process the situation. Then you are locked into this silent room where there is NO other sounds except the sound of your tears and the cold mechanical whirring of the CT machine. You awkwardly try to balance keeping your moms limp hand back into the stretcher while it slips off and pray you don’t pass out from shock because her respiration is in your hands.
3. Diagnosis
In the Greys Anatomy world Owen Hunt and Yang quickly make a precise diagnosis with an accurate course of action. Mcdreamy is paged and heads off to the theatre to prep for surgery. Then Meredith comes over and calmly explains the situation and that though the situation is critical the team is going to do their best to keep your loved one alive. Most importantly she gives you the hope to stay calm even though you know the shit has hit the ceiling.
In the real world some junior doctor whose breath reeks of smoke, casually flicks through your moms report and rattles off complicated medical terms while you stare numbly into his cold eyes silently screaming “what the fuck does that mean !?” then just to clear things up he says “Oh, yeah your mom can die any minute” he is very cool, chic and casual while he says it. There is no “the situation is serious but we will try our best crap”
4. The ICU
In the Greys Anatomy world there is a double air locked fancy pants sophisticated vacuum sealed ICU. All the nurses and visitors wear surgical masks, gloves and sterilise their hands and feet every time they enter or leave the ICU. All fluids and solids are carefully monitored with high security.
In the real world, you have a rickety door that doesn't close all the way. Thats it. Thats all, that separates ICU patients from the rest of the bacterial, flu filled world. There is also a chai and samosa walla who walks in to serve people inside the ICU and he wears his shoes. Also if you have OCD like me you obsessively spend every waking minute your allowed near that door swatting away mosquitoes because you feel its your God given duty to prevent a single speck from entering that damn creak in the door, because at the end of the day thats all you have control over.
5. Treatment
In the Greys Anatomy world Izzie and George would take turns to explain the situation and the status of your loved one. Even chief Webber might have turned up to say that the hospital is doing the best they can and trying out experimental treatment. The nurses would encourage you to sit beside the person and talk to them because people in coma’s can hear you.
In the real world you stalk the corridors for hours waiting for signs of the duty doctor. When he does turn up ages later, he spends less that a minute to mumble out of the corner of his mouth that there is NO HOPE.
6. Cardiac arrest
In the Greys Anatomy world when a patient goes into cardiac arrest the entire staff or whoever is on call dramatically does CPR on the patient and then if that doesn't work defibrillates them. There is an intense emotional moment when the person flat lines, the seconds tick by, everyone is staring at the heart rate monitor and suddenly it starts to spike (some corny pop music kicks in) while Meredith and Mcdreamy lock eyes and a slow pulse returns while everyone heaves a sign of relief.
In the real world you get a call asking you to turn up at the ICU, you rush over there, your heart racing, its your bad luck its junior doctor smelling of smoke who is on call. There is crazy beeping from ALL the machines surrounding your mom. You can see his mouth moving but cant make out the words, you have a sick metallic taste in yours. Suddenly you are jolted back to the moment, he is saying that your mom has flatlined and you need to face the facts. You beg him, you literally grovel, you beg like you dont have a shred of dignity and no fucks left to give. He reluctantly agrees to continue CPR for 15 mins more. He signals the nurses and they start a fresh cycle of CPR, you can see the heart beat monitor spiking along crazily and you start getting your hopes up, but it flat lines the minute they stop. They draw the dingy screen, you can see their shoes under the screen, hear the high pitched sound of the defibrillator charging, the jerking sound of volts passing through your moms body, the smell of singed flesh hangs in the air, the screen is pulled open, junior doctor shakes his head nonchalantly and shrugs his shoulders. The sweet kind nurses are panting, their foreheads and gloves slick with sweat and exhaustion. People are talking to you in hushed voices, everyone is watching you, concern and sadness dripping out of the corner of their eyes, you tear yourself out of the room, you bolt. You run out like a crazy person and grab the first doctor you see, you grab him by his crumpled white coat and drag him to come into the ICU and help you, you scream/ hysterically beg the ambulance driver watching the scene from the corner to help you. The ambulance driver relents and starts another round of CPR, your rooted to the spot, rattling off a prayer in your head to every single GOD you can remember, you promise to give up meat, to shave your head, to feed a 100 orphans, its a strange feeling to fight so badly for something that you yearn/crave from the bottom of your heart, yet be so powerless. Finally the entire scene comes to a standstill and its time for you to face the music. Your trying to process what is happening, your hoping your in an episode of Greys anatomy, where while silently sobbing holding onto your moms limp hand wishing that you could will back life into her, that her heart beat monitor springs back to life and her soft brown eyes flutter open and she cracks a smile at you. Instead you weep bittersweet tears while being left with a mom shaped hole in your heart.
This wasn't meant to criticize the millions of amazing doctors, nurses and medical practitioners who save lives in India everyday. Yes they are overworked, understaffed and underpaid. This is just my experience.
